Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
one two three fourrrrnication!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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