I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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