If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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