Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
