I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize