I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
