My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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