Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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