they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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