that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
