Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
