I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
