Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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