this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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