Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
