i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
