we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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