just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
