I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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