Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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