tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In other news, I just burned my penis
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
