I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
