if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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