he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
