I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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