new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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