eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
