i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
