I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
