Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
