What did we do last night that was yellow?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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