Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
whose parrot is this?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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