The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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