I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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