i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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