so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
