2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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