Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
