tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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