do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
