that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize