her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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