Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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