found the other keg... it's in the tree
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
