I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
...so i touched it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
