If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
