i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
