How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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