The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
