I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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