I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We got so high we made milksteak
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
