just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
