Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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