someone threw a dead crab at me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
