Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
