Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Girls should come with a carfax report
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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