I bet he comes in French.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
