this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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