Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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