yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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