dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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