so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
