I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
