i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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