You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
