i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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