I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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