life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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