too bad you live with your parents still
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
