you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
