i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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