i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
